All Eyes On Me
by Gothica Angel
Summary: Songfic to Goo Goo Dolls All Eyes On Me Catherine goes through her life, and how she survived her childhood. AU a little, cuz that's not what really happened LOL! I just thought maybe it could ya know...


Disclaimer - Gundam Wing and its characters belong to Sunrise Sotsu/Bandai and the song All Eyes on Me is property of the Goo Goo Dolls band.  
Warnings- mature adult themes! minor abuse (Nothing descriptive) and the mention of alcoholism.   
Author's Random Ranting - This is my 2nd favorite song on the Dizzy up the Girl album (My 1st fave has already been used in a Gundam fic). Anyway, this is about Catherine's life in the circus, and her unhappy childhood. So many people associate bad child hoods with the GW people and their bad or sad attitudes etc. I decided to do one that the person saw life for what it really was and still had a good outlook on life. Catherine was my first choice. She's one of my fave female characters, and I really haven't done much with her in my fics so what the hey!  
  
All Eyes on Me  
  
Daylight burns your sleepy eyes  
It's hard to see you dreaming  
You hide inside yourself  
I wondered what you're thinkin'  
  
I look at the young man standing before me. A young man like me only because he's my brother. He stands there, unsmiling, unflinching. How can he be so confident. The blades in my hand catch the sunlight, shining and deadly. I can't imagine what goes through Trowa's head at these times. The audience cheers me on. I bow to them and smile. I through the sharp blades with almost deadly accuracy. I remember the first day I met Trowa. He scared me so. He was too confident. No, I was too confident, and the sharpened metal grazed his young face. I often wonder why he didn't move.   
  
And everything you're chasing  
It seems to leave you empty  
  
I remember my childhood better than my brother. Our alcoholic mother who was unable to protect us from our abusive father went into rehab the night we left. I remember holding Trowa's hand as we ran. I remember wishing to the first star I saw, that we would never be hurt again. We must've run for at least a day, before I opened my food bag only to find it empty. I remember crying as I paid for the bread and water. I had never stolen before, much less money from my parents. I don't remember where we were looking to go, but I do remember where we ended up. Where I ended up anyway.   
  
And it won't take long to burn  
All eyes on me  
Through the nothing that you've learned  
All eyes on me  
And the things you choose to be  
All eyes on me  
  
I can still feel the sting of tears as I begged the mercenaries not to take Trowa. I cried and begged them not to take him, not to hurt or kill him. I begged them to take me. They did. I have rid my mind of the memory of the feeling I had, laying there on the side of the road, raped, violated, and defiled. They had taken Trowa. I can still remember the feeling I had when I saw the lights of the circus. The absolute relief as I sobbed out about my brother's kidnap. The familiar feeling of being in an actual family. How happy I was taken under the arms of people who cared.  
  
But your eyes look away  
It's so hard to be someone  
Strung out from today  
And all that you knew slips away  
  
Then there was the day He came to look for me. My father. He ranted and raved, I could hear him. The ringmaster hid me in his trailer and I shuddered as I heard him stomp off in a mutter of curses. I just hoped that Trowa was safe and alive. Of course I didn't remember his name after awhile. My parents never called Trowa by his name. My father either called him Boy or Get The Hell Over Here You Filthy Rat. My father never showed up again.   
  
You drown in deeper oceans  
Inventing new religions  
They smile and stab my back and  
I lie and have to laugh  
  
I can remember my first time performing. Everyone pointed. Everyone watched. All eyes were fixated on me. The spotlight thrills me. It makes me feel exhilarated, important, singled out. I can't remember ever hitting anyone. That is until Trowa came along. Now I look at him again, brought back from my clouded reveries. I don't remember much of when he first came to our circus. He'd changed so much I didn't recognize him. Trowa Barton. The unsmiling clown. So polite, but so quiet. I liked him the moment I saw him. Not lust, friendly, almost sisterly love. I guess I hit the nail on the head.  
  
And it won't take long to burn  
All eyes on me  
Through the nothing that you've learned  
All eyes on me  
And the things you choose to be  
All eyes on me  
  
I can't keep slipping into these reveries in the middle of a performance. I throw the next set of blades, so sharp and deadly. Once again, I get lucky and they miss him by scant centimeters. I still can't imagine how he doesn't flinch. I guess I haven't really learned Trowa's personality, being separated from him for so long. I walk up to him after the performance. I haven't spoken to him since I found out I was his sister two days ago. I ask him if the mercenaries hurt him. Looking at me in surprise, he takes me in his arms, and for the first time, I tell him about our father, about his past.   
  
But your eyes look away  
It's so hard to be someone  
Strung out from today  
And all that you knew slips away  
  
We stand there for some time, I recounting details he has forgotten. He tells me about life with the mercenaries, his past coming back, as a flower from a long hard winter, slowly poking through the ground, and then blossoming. I begin to sob, and my brother holds me tight. I know that six months ago, he wouldn't have so readily welcomed this new information. I can't believe I let him go with the mercenaries. I tell him how sorry I am for letting him go. He laughs, a beautiful sound, and tells me they treated him well, and he can even remember them apologizing for their actions that lonely night on the road near the circus. That lonely night I lost my trust in men. That lonely night that I found my life.  
  
And you hid in your room  
And the light burns away  
And you move from the truth  
It's all so far from you  
  
Now my family is complete, and I will never be alone, even in death. I have had so many weakening experiences, and I'm strong, thanks to my family. Not my father or mother, I learned later that my father killed my incapable mother, but my brother and the people under whose wing I rest.  
  
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For my first songfic, I don't think that was too bad ^_^ I've never seen anything about when or how Catherine and Trowa find out they're related etc. so if I messed up, sorry! Also, this isn't incest! It's a brother and a sister caring about each other! I know it seems stupid to mention this, but hey you never know what immature person with nothing to do is going to say 'EEEEEEEEEWWWWWWW!!!! They were HUGGING! THAT'S INCEST! DISGUSTING!' It's not incest so chill!  
  
~Gothica Angel


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